How to Write Wedding Vows That Actually Sound Like You

(A Celebrant’s Guide to Getting It Right Without Losing Your Mind)

photograph courtesy of Kerry Ann Duffy

Let’s be honest

One of the most common things couples say to me is, “We don’t know where to start with our vows.” You want them to be heartfelt but not cheesy, personal but not over-the-top — and ideally without crying halfway through. (Although if you do, that’s fine too — I always carry tissues.)

The good news? You don’t have to be a poet or a professional writer to create something beautiful. You just have to be you.

Tip 1: Forget perfect — aim for personal

Your vows don’t need to sound like a Pinterest quote. They’re a reflection of your story — the small, honest, funny, everyday bits that make your relationship real. Think of it as talking directly to your partner in front of the people who love you most.

Tip 2: Start with simple prompts

Before you start trying to write the whole thing, just jot down a few answers to these:

• What do you love most about them?

• What do they do that makes you laugh?

• What have you learned from them?

• What do you want to promise for your future together?

Example:

“You make me laugh even when I’m trying to be cross with you.”

“I promise to share the duvet — most of the time.”

Tip 3: Match your tones

It’s great if one of you is more emotional and the other more playful, but try to agree a general vibe. If one set of vows sounds like Shakespeare and the other like a stand-up routine, it might feel mismatched. Aim for complementary, not identical.

Tip 4: Keep them short and sweet

Around 150–250 words (about 1–2 minutes spoken) is perfect. That’s enough to make an impact without worrying you’ll forget what comes next — or start blubbing halfway through. Shorter is nearly always better. Leave your guests wanting more, not wondering if they’ve missed the reception canapés.

Tip 5: Read them out loud

This is where you’ll spot clunky phrasing or tongue-twisters. If something doesn’t sound natural, change it. Your vows should roll off your tongue like you’re having a real conversation — because that’s exactly what they are. And yes, I’m happy to hold a copy for you on the day (discreetly tucked behind my ceremony folder!).

Need a structure? Try this:

1. Say what you love about them.

2. Share a tiny story or quirk that shows what makes you work as a couple.

3. Make a few promises (serious or silly).

4. Finish strong. Something like:

“You’re my best friend, my calm in a storm, and the person I want to grow old and silly with.”

Final thought

Your vows don’t have to be perfect — they just have to be you. Whether you’re funny,

poetic, or delightfully down-to-earth, those words will be one of the most memorable moments of your ceremony.

And I’ll be right there to cheer you on (and pass the tissues).

Want a little help?

If you’d like some gentle guidance writing your vows — or even a “vow-writing session” as part of your ceremony planning — get in touch. Together, we can make sure your words feel authentic, balanced and completely you two.

Contact Nic the Celebrant: https://nicthecelebrant.co.uk